Hey townies I’m back and back with a vengeance.  So I was gone for awhile, but for good reason, collecting data, let’s call it a business trip.  As some of you know I went to the town not by the sea (Seymour, 160 miles East of Lubbock on the way to the Village), to compete in a golf tournament, a gentlemen’s sport.  However, when you mix townies, beer, and golf bad things tend to happen.  Lots of F-bombs (nothing new here) and screaming at other “gentlemen” (townies) w/ 3 kegs of beer lead to bad things happening. So here’s the story, of man named Brady, not really I just added that for glam points.  Ok so onto the story (ala Tom Green in Roadtrip voice), we (Me, Dad, and my Uncle {a townie}) are on the number nine green putting with another group of townies, these were Albany townies.  Albany is a small townie outside of the big Sea, any who some Seymour townies from down the fairway.  By the way, why do they call it the fairway in golf because they don’t call the rough the foul way?  Just wondering, get back to me on that.  I digress, so these Seymour townies whistle once at the Albany boys, he proceeds to putt.  Then when the next person out of the Albany boys starts to putt another whistle comes from down the fairway, followed by a hurry up; this is a tournament.  Oh and this time the Albany man, of small stature, goes ape shit, literary, follow the story.  He hops in his golf cart all ready having to many hops and proceeds to go down there and “talk” to the Seymour Whistling Townies.  He damn near runs over one of his partners on his furious pursuit to go out there.  From back at the green I (Colé) knows from college how these “talks” always end up……..that’s right a full out brawl ensues.  At this point I’m in my uncle’s cart going nuts urgening them to let them go, from a safe distance away.  I see a few people hit the ground, caps fly, choke holds ensue, and just your typical brawl type things happening.  I am like for 70 bucks this is well worth it, who doesn’t like to see 40 year old grown men get in a scuffle from time to time.  Anyways the Albany boy was out numbered and came up a little bloody, nothing serious.  Dumbass went down there by himself trying to be a hardass, with no backup.  Had I went down there, some bodies would have been leaving the golf course (GC) on some stretchers.  You damn right, no one wanted a piece of this BAMF.  After the brawl, my team, mostly me went on a 3 birdies in a row stretch or as I call it a turkey.  Any who we came in 4th shooting a 71-67=138 for the tournament.  Not my best work but it was like 1 on 3 on Saturday.  In other townie news, in the Sea town, me and the rival blogger Jayson went to Sonic (in Seymour) and spotted a townie sighting.I guess he got too hungry to paint the back.  TOWNIE!!!!!!..[if gte vml 1]> ..[endif]–>..[if !vml]–>..[endif]–>

So summer school starts tomorrow so there should be some new shit to report on.  Speaking of, back a week or so ago a woman at TRU (Toys R’ Us) tried riding a shooter in the store and busted ass.  Yes that’s the first hurtful thing I have seen happen in the store besides little kids not knowing how to ride bikes, which I must say is mildly entertaining.  Also, last Tuesday I got called into the manager’s office (a storage closet that houses the computers) and was asked whether I had been talking bad about a manager (insubordination).  I answered yes and said quote on quote, “That manager tried to pull a real dick move by making me clean the bathrooms (which I didn’t).”  And then went on to say that I somehow refused to attempt to sell $30 worth of batteries, which I also found to be a lot fucking ridiculous.  Thirty fucking dollars in batteries, this isn’t a sex store so I don’t know how that’s possible.  Maybe sell a Power wheel’s battery, since you know everyone buys those everyday.  Fucking bullshit is what I call that.  I was really in the wrong I guess; hopefully I can keep my job.  Watched the derby tonight, Valdy won, who I must say is one ugliest people in MLB.  Currently some Yankee show is on ESPN, looks pretty cool but what I’m waiting for is the celebrity softball game.  I got nothing left that I can think of, maybe except Seymour might almost be as townie as the LBK.  Also summer is coming to an end way to fast.  Eloc out.

 

FF: More places than you think are like Lubbock, however, most of the time they are small towns.

Townie Meter: 9.8/10 Townies fighting on the golf course and a townie car at Sonic top of a very eventful week.

Song of the Day: Check Yes or No – George Strait

Funny word of the Day: Fungo  Ex. Go grab the fungo boy.

Quote of the Day: “Oh shit.” – Grandma after losing her thought.

TFOD: You know how I feel about cold chicken.  Don’t even start me on ranch.
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7/3

Hey, tiny townies, what a wonderful life.  First off I wake up at 9 this morning to go to work, well I get there and it’s not my day to work.  So get this apparently I was suppose to work yesterday, well I missed that one.  Instead I hit the links for what was suppose to be a good day at the links.  Well the front nine was good, but the back nine was a scene from tin cup. 15 over.  Any who I stayed late to work out the kinks.  Then today I went to the range and worked on putting and chipping and also my driving.  I have finally mastered the drive.  Now I am getting 240-250 carry and the best thing is it’s straight.  Hell it might be close to 275-300 as I was knocking it out of the range, and I don’t like to brag or anything but I’m strong.  I guess all those 12 oz. curls are paying off.  I also started a new work out plan today.  Here it is: 100 crunches.  The six pack will be back in no time.However, today the last 80 or so crunches burned like a fire from the depths of hell.  So anyways tomorrow is the fourth, and I get to work till 4 and then it’s off to the pool to check out some bitches, or just eat and drink like tomorrow might never come.  One way or another it’s gonna be fun.  Just keep walking that fenceline people.  Oh yeah I need to correct the quote of the day from 7/2, it should read, “Sho is hott.”  Oh help me get over this mountain.  As you may be asking yourself why do I keep adding random lines in here, well I just keep thinking of songs that I’ve listened to, there’s no significant here.  So any who all I keep hearing from Lubbock news is how we are under a water ration.  How ignorant is this?  You might ask why would I ask such an ignorant question but here’s why: you see last summer during the drought there was no restrictions and now that there is plenty of rain LBK city officials see fit that we worry about the water shortage. We’ve only had a record number of rainfall this year.  Please move to the year 2007 people.  I mean my grass grows at an alarming rate, why the fuck would I want to water it?  In other news, I recently found a new Home Depot in Lubbock.  I know, sit down because this might just be super shocking news to you as it was to me.  So apparently it’s on 50th and Indiana if you wanna check-it-out.  Just breath taking!  Oh how could I forget, STONEY is now my #1, riding shotgun, friend on myspace.  It only took since like January to get him to add me but it’s just one small step for mankind.  Sorry Dane you are now number two until you earn back that number 1 spot.  What now, my life is complete.  Eloc out bitches!

 

FF: I want to carry the boom box in the Entourage.

Townie Meter: 7/10 Poked my head out the back door this morning and there was that townie scent.  I don’t know what to tell you.  Jay you can have the redheaded townie from the pool, I only speculated that she has been passed around like a bottle of crown, but you don’t care do you?

Song of the Day: Turn on the Light – Wade Bowen (TTU graduate)

Funny word of the Day: iPerbole Ex. Claims that the iPhone will change the world are all part of the iPerbole surrounding the cultish company.

Quote of the Day: “That was not grape juice that was a jager bomb. Its the nectar of the gods or so I hear.” -Stoney LaRue

TFOD: Fallonous is a word I heard someone on tv use it.

7/2

Domestic, light, and cold, that’s what I’m having.  So yea that’s my weekend and it should also be yours.  So townies, the party is at Natalie’s house for the fourth, we decided we are gonna grill, swim, and be all together badass.  I’m there so it shouldn’t be to far of a stretch.  As far as the townie goes, I realize that I have really be slacking off the last month, I’m lucky if I get two in a week.  And I do realize that some people need these; I need these.  It’s like an online diary that you get to read.  So anyways, I go to pay the rent, after all afternoon at the pool (more latter), so the place where I have to drop the rent off is in some sort of plaza type thing of 82nd and Slide.  Well I drive around half an hour on 82nd and Slide looking for this stupid fucking place.  Not to mention, once I found the plaza thingy, I then had to search for the correct building.  Fear not though, I got everything taken care of. Now back to this afternoon.  So me and the Xchange boys headed out to the pool for some brews and sun rays.  Let me tell you it was hotter than a mother fucker, and you might ask how hot is a mother fucker?  Well to be a mother fucker you better be pretty damn good looking because in all essence you are a MILF fucker, right?  Any who, the rays were just a bit unbearable, as we tried everything to stay cool such as beer, swimming, and we finally threw in the towel and retreated to the aprt.  So get this apparently, some people like to name there things such as body parts, vehicles, and such.  Well I have decided to name the rest of my house.  First we got the living room or as I like to call it, the Newsroom where the townie is written from (you can come tour it).  Second, from this day forward my room is to be known as the dungeon (tours are also available).  Third the bed in the dungeon is to be referred to from this day out as “The Boneyard”.  The corpses pill up there, hence the name “The Boneyard”.  And like always you can take a “test drive” in the boneyard.  I think everyone should give cute nicknames to there things.  Back to the fourth, I look forward to this week because not only is there a party in the middle of the week, but it is also a short week.  Back to the pool, I know this shit is all out order but bare with me, so as the Xchange boys were making fun of people, I came to realize that everyone at the pool makes fun of each others tattoos.  Really, is that all there is to talk about?  Well that and you know, all the hotties, just wear some shades so no one can see your roaming eyes.  Well I guess I’m gonna cut this rambling off as you have better things to do with you time, just stay tune for the ever popular sub-columns.  Colé posing as Eloc, out.

 

FF: Half the time it works every time, chew that.

Townie Meter: 8/10 Ok so there is this red headed townie that is at the pool everyday, I’m not even making this up.  I’ve come to the conclusion that she just finds a random guy to stay with every night that way she doesn’t have to pay rent.  You gotta do what you gotta do……

Song of the Day: Freedom – CCRW

Funny word of the Day: Tits  Ex.  That lady has a nice pair of Tits.  Ok tits are code word for Townie in Training.

Quote of the Day: “Man it’s hot.” (In his best porch monkey voice) – Brent

TFOD: Joe from Pennsylvania. (Instead of John from Cincinnati)

6/29

Ok so townies, Eloc is so like bumed out.  Let’s see, no golf tourney in the town not by the sea, stuck in LBK with nothing to do, have to work and miss the surging Rangers (hold your laughing), and I get my new work schedule for next week and for my sake lets hope their are no 4 am or 6 am shifts.

Because frankly its way to early to have to start bitching, plus I am gonna need off for the day of and after the 4th and next weekend.  That’s not that much to ask for is it?  So anyways me and Brent got to go on a “date” last night, which was good because since my #1 bitch is in the Metropolitan Plex for the next week I will not get to do any dinner dates.  Anyways not a whole lot to report from this “date”, no steak and BJ so I look at it as a failure.  I also learned that Kylie, said lady’s old roommate drives a ice cream truck.  I know, what a failure, and it just so happens that these ice cream trucks (or as I like to call them Child Molester Vans) come by my house 2-3 times a week.  The little townies of Lubbock need to keep a look out for these sick individuals.  Digressing back to the 4th, Ezra’s lady Natalie has volunteered her house out as the designated 4th celebration house.  There’s a pool and most likely a keg among others.  Brother Jay gets back to town (townieville) on the 3rd (Tuesday).  Hopefully volleyball will pick back up.  Also today and tomorrow mark the end of summer session #1.  Great that means in a week that it’s back to the books for me.  But half the summer is almost half way over.  No Willie’s picnic this year will be broadcasted over XM radio, boo.  Well Willie is in Canada and all other notables are in the Caribbean on the CCR Cruise.  So I finally received a item that I ordered off of ebay from like last Wednesday, yesterday.  I am through w/ eBay; it’s just too damn slow.  Altogether, it should be a rather BAMFy day, I think I get paid, hippie.  Until later (latter) fellow townies, Eloc out.

 

FF: July 5th is national hangover day #2, New Years Day being #1.

Townie Meter: 5/10 sliding up to 7.5/10 Starting off slow, but moving up by the end of the day.

Song of the Day: The Needle and The Damage Done – Neil Young

Funny word of the Day: Norcoling  Ex. Nig I ain’t going norcoling, I will get my hair wet.

Quote of the Day: “He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.” – Les Dawson

TFOD: We have a bear, yea we have a bear.

6/29

Ok so townies, Eloc is so like bumed out.  Let’s see, no golf tourney in the town not by the sea, stuck in LBK with nothing to do, have to work and miss the surging Rangers (hold your laughing), and I get my new work schedule for next week and for my sake lets hope their are no 4 am or 6 am shifts.

Because frankly its way to early to have to start bitching, plus I am gonna need off for the day of and after the 4th and next weekend.  That’s not that much to ask for is it?  So anyways me and Brent got to go on a “date” last night, which was good because since my #1 bitch is in the Metropolitan Plex for the next week I will not get to do any dinner dates.  Anyways not a whole lot to report from this “date”, no steak and BJ so I look at it as a failure.  I also learned that Kylie, said lady’s old roommate drives a ice cream truck.  I know, what a failure, and it just so happens that these ice cream trucks (or as I like to call them Child Molester Vans) come by my house 2-3 times a week.  The little townies of Lubbock need to keep a look out for these sick individuals.  Digressing back to the 4th, Ezra’s lady Natalie has volunteered her house out as the designated 4th celebration house.  There’s a pool and most likely a keg among others.  Brother Jay gets back to town (townieville) on the 3rd (Tuesday).  Hopefully volleyball will pick back up.  Also today and tomorrow mark the end of summer session #1.  Great that means in a week that it’s back to the books for me.  But half the summer is almost half way over.  No Willie’s picnic this year will be broadcasted over XM radio, boo.  Well Willie is in Canada and all other notables are in the Caribbean on the CCR Cruise.  So I finally received a item that I ordered off of ebay from like last Wednesday, yesterday.  I am through w/ eBay; it’s just too damn slow.  Altogether, it should be a rather BAMFy day, I think I get paid, hippie.  Until later (latter) fellow townies, Eloc out.

 

FF: July 5th is national hangover day #2, New Years Day being #1.

Townie Meter: 5/10 sliding up to 7.5/10 Starting off slow, but moving up by the end of the day.

Song of the Day: The Needle and The Damage Done – Neil Young

Funny word of the Day: Norcoling  Ex. Nig I ain’t going norcoling, I will get my hair wet.

Quote of the Day: “He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.” – Les Dawson

TFOD: We have a bear, yea we have a bear.

6/26 Night

Ahoy townies, that’s right it’s a two for Tuesday, 2 blogs 1day.  So get this, I had my longest continuous awake streak come to an end, 27 1/2 hrs.  Fuck 4 a.m. shifts, however, I am slowly working my way up the corporate ladder.  I should be a manager within a month.  What do you expect working with a bunch of illiterate, stupidass townie people?  I mean there whole system is in shambles.  Anyways, me and The Jayson went on a afternoon dinner date at the Freebird’s on University.  Oh how great is summer?  TTU campus looks more like a beach minus bikinis, than it does a higher learning institution.  Lordy, there is no doubt in my mind that Texas Tech has the best looking co-eds of any University.  So as we were watching the hot chicks walk by (window shopping) we see this ultra badass Jeff Gordon edition car, exact replica.  I thought for a moment I was at Daytona.  While at Freebird’s I looked at the display of burrito sizes, which I could not help but conger up dirty thoughts that ran through my brain.  Sorry I’m a male, that’s pretty much all I think about all day.  I swear the biggest burrito there is the size of a full size Pringles can, no joke.  On to more pressing issues, so in the ever pursuit of becoming the ultimate BAMF, I have decided that instead of calling in and asking off on Saturday, I am just gonna leave without saying shit.  Why you may ask?  Because when your a BAMF, people should know what your doing without having to ask you.  That’s me god damnit, I don’t have to tell anyone what my intentions are, they should know.  Just as most people know not to call me between the hours of 1-3 p.m. because it’s my nap time.  So I have a few new tunes that you need to download, first El Paso by The Gourds, it’s not the same as Marty Robbins.  Second, thou must take a listen to Ralphie May.  Third and this is one I heard at a concert, I Believe in Everything by John Entwistle (the former bassist of The Who).  If you want a little southern rock check out No Justice, they have potential to become BAMFs in a few years.  So here recently, well for a while now I’ve noticed the Social Timeline on facebook under the friends tab.  Well see I could not figure out what this device did, but get this, it tracks down what you do from year to year according to your friends details.  However, there is only one problem, everyone likes to be oh so cute and make up out landish shit for friends details.  Such as Ryan and Bob were fuck buddies back in 80 but now are not talking.  Well on the social timeline it shows up under 1980 that Ryan and Bob were fuck buddies and so on.  I think this was a device to sort of help people remember when they met people/hooked up, sorta like my Townie.  Anyways to make this long story short, I have started going through my friends and started adding details of how I know the people on my list.  It will be hard for some people since apparently they know like 500 people.  Your not Dane Cook, you should not have that many “friends”.  Rant over, maybe I’m just jealous or I don’t like to add the 800 + people that I graduated with, 3/4 of them which I never acknowledged.  Eloc out.

 

FF: 60% of all townies don’t own cars.

Townie Meter: 8/10 Apparently TRU is the place for all townies to go shop for baby items such as food, diapers, and toys.  Whatever happened to Wal*Mart?

Song of the Day: Bluebonnets – CCRW Clicky Clicky

Funny word of the Day: Cubadiving  Ex. Let’s go cubadiving this weekend.

Quote of the Day: Cole:”You know how they play golf in Iraq?” Nathan:”How?” Cole:”With a sand wedge, even on the greens.”

TFOD: First you learn to crawl, then walk, then run……… run, run, run.

6/26

Ok so I can’t sleep. I just am not used to going to bed at 10:30 or 11:00. I’m a night owl much like all college students who realize that life doesn’t start till 10:30-11:00 and ends at 2-4a.m. I don’t know this fucking job thing just would be so much better if I didn’t start work before the sun came up. Tomorrow morning/today I go in at 4 in the morning, are you fucking serious? Yes! I might as well just stay up because I will just be more tired if I go to sleep for 3 to 4 hours and get woke up by an alarm. So now I’m stuck watching Conan and get this it isn’t even a new one, it’s one from Valentine’s Day! Give me a break a show that is over 4 months old. However, shows that are filmed on holidays are always informative. Also speaking of Valentines day, a few years ago Double D (Darryl Dora), yea a blast from the past hit his biggest shot against the only team he ever played good against, Kansas. Hell every time a watch that clip it gives me Goosebumps. And my dumbass was sitting in my dorm watching when I could have been there. So anyways I went and hit the sticks today, the good news is I think my putting is finally coming around, to bad the driver has went to hell. All that came out of this round was a bent shaft (my sand wedge), not that shaft you dirty minded individual. So I forgot to report on some townie action last week. I fondly remember back in the day (Wednesday), I had just finished mowing the yard and currently enjoying a cold beer when two townies come walking along. The two townies stop across the street at a puddle created from the night before, and then something happened that I would have never have guessed. This townie put townieism to a whole different level; he bent down and started drinking from the puddle at the end of the neighbor’s driveway. Mind bottling needless to say. Speaking of neighbor, I remember back in the day (Wednesday) neighbor used to be so damn hard to spell. It was one of those trick ya words. Another thing I did back in the day that was quite difficult was the game 24. It was a math game that gave you 4 numbers and you had to make them equal 24, and you got point according to the difficulty of the puzzle. Sudcu (however the fuck you spell it) had nothing on this game. Since I’m reminiscing about the past, I might as well let you in some memorable moments from early San Angelo life that you don’t know about me with the exception that my sister might know about them. Let’s start with bicycle accidents. First back when I was a young chap, I decided it would be a good idea to try to ride my Dyno (the best bike) down the 15 foot slide. Bad idea, I ended up with a chipped tooth that I still have till this day. Second bicycle accident, riding home on my brand new 10 speed mountain bike, I went head over heals because my foot caught the front spoke. See I had a little townie in me too, but I was able to get through that period in my life. So as I have been working at the toy store, everyday I go by the display for trampolines, and damnit I want a tramp. I had one as a kid and now I want one as an adult (use adult very lightly). Just imagine the fun that can be had on a tramp. You can jump on it, jump on it drunk, box on it, star gaze on it, fuck on it, and it could provide for some very funny moments. Here is another thing I am being to ponder, why does such shity bands get to play on late night tv? So I’m starting to get tired but you know how that is, once you get in bed your wide awake. I guess I could go for a marathon beat-off session to wear myself out, but that will only dehydrate myself. In the continue pursuit of achieving ultimate BAMD status (Chuck Norris) I have decided that I am not cutting my hair until next spring. I think I am going to an annual haircut system. I think it is going really well, the less I cut it the faster it grows. It’s going on 3 months and it’s already almost as long as it was in February and March. One last note, if you haven’t seen America’s Got Talent, watch it! The Hoff is just great and he reminds me of when he’s drunk. Oh so townie, but we love you Hoff. Eloc out...[if gte vml 1]> ..[endif]–>..[if !vml]–>..[endif]–>

FF: Last call at 2 a.m., work at 4 a.m., what’s the world coming to? This is only leading to a crash course to destruction.

Townie Meter: 7/10 Townie on a golf course in the summer time means one thing, the frats have went home and now instead of polo chino pants, basketball shorts are acceptable clothing options.

Song of the Day: Scotty Doesn’t Know – Lustra (Eurotrip – Matt Damon)

Funny word of the Day: O-chin Ex. The titanic sank in the o-chin.

Redneck word of the Day: This column is getting nixed like Lance Nix.

Quote of the Day: “Behind the downfall of every great man stands a cold hearted woman.” – Cody Canada

TFOD: Wingstop is considered fine dinning.

6/22

So townies it’s been a few but man oh man am I red hot.  So yesterday (the day before today for future references) someone told me that I make everything sound dirty.  I was like dirty as in there is shit all over the place dirty or the other dirty.  I was told that I could make anything sound sexual, I was like I’ll take that as a complement and run.  And run I did, run run run.  Here’s a new little column I like to call things to do to cause laughter.  1) Mop a floor and don’t put down a wet floor sign and watch as funnyness pursues.  2) This also includes a wet floor, however, at a party during the winter time wet the place where the keg is stationed and then let the water freeze, classic.  3)  At a fast food restaurant were you fill your own drinks, unscrew the cap where the cola is dispensed until it is almost completely off.  Then the next person to use it will get a bath as the cap will fly off and shit will go everywhere.  This is a proven prank.  4)  This one is for my own personal use, while at a toy store, make a kid cry.  5) After a big rain especially in Lubbock on Flint around campus or Lake Wal-Mart, haul ass through the puddles when unsuspecting victims are walking to close to the curb.  Bonus points are scored for soaking girls wearing white t-shirts or tanktops.  6) This is a San Angelo favorite, fallow a pizza delivery guy until he gets out of his car and then pelt him with water balloons.  These are just a few things you can do to have a little fun at others expense.  Also, I feel that I continue to divulge a lot more about myself that you probably shouldn’t know on the recent questionnaires, but they’re just to damn fun.  Also as I patrol facebook daily, I have noticed the “relationship status” box on everyone’s profile, so in search of something fun to do I went to my relationship status.  And here’s what I did, I looked to find the option “in a relationship with _______.”  Well no where could I find hand, go figure.  Eloc out.

 

FF: According to statistics, Australian women are most likely to have sex on the first date.

Townie Meter: 8/10 What can I say?  Maybe Townie is the best description.

Song of the Day: Carney Man – CCRW

Funny word of the Day: Cuntastrophy  Ex. The result of the wrong turn I took at the gym, the one which led me into the girls rugby team’s shower room, was a horrifying cuntastrophy.

Redneck word of Day: Reckin  Ex. You reckin we have enough beer for the night?

Quote of the Day: “You got a handy from the tranny didn’t you?” – 40 Year Old Virgin

TFOD: The Cubs are better than the Rangers.

6/19

So I guess I might as well let you know what’s going on in the world of Colé.  Let’s see, the bitch and my date didn’t happen, Sosa hitting 600 didn’t happen, I still don’t know if I get to go to Big D this weekend to worship a last place team, and I didn’t get to the practice range today.  However, only the bright side I just saved a bunch of money switching to geico .  So I think I blew my laptop up, maybe to much porn?  So that gives me something to do for tonight.  Oh yeah, I was able to get almost the entire old Stoney album Downtown.  Hell yeah, not a day goes by that I do not listen to my main man Stoney.  Tomorrow I’m off and get to mow the yard, hippie, hopefully someone will pull the dick out of there ass and go to the bar seeing as it’s been over a week and a half since I have visited one of those fine establishments.  Maybe Ruby’s for some Margarita’s and some BM&SRB, however, I will go to any bar, I just wanna go.  The free music cards my madré sent to me turned out to be a bust.  You see they were “samplers” and they contain only shit ass country music.  Out of 12 songs, only one was good (Free and Easy-Dierks Bentley) and one was fair (Miranda Lambert, my future wife).  So here recently I started doing these little bulletins posting questionnaires and now I find myself waiting for a new one to come across the board so I can further knowledge you about me.  Any ways today I helped fellow blogger Jayson fix his dryer problem,+1 JP point.  Add that to the list of things I can do, electrical work check.  Well I’m going to finish off listening to RRB live at Steamboat ‘05, Eloc out.

 

FF: Things to do to let people remember you:  Go to a party and find the room with the coats, then shit on the coats.  Someone will find this and come out and say, “Some one shit on the coats!”  Then you say “What? I hope it wasn’t my coat.”  And then disappear like phantom.

Townie Meter: 7.5/10  The pale red headed townie @ the toy store was quite the person.  Age 20 and engaged, never drinks repeat never drinks, doesn’t do drugs double repeat does not toke, and did I mention she goes to LCU.  Plus the fact half the people at the toy store already know me, go figure I’m sort of a huge deal.

Song of the Day: Like it Used to Be – Randy Rogers

Funny word of the Day: Upper Decker  Ex. Jay had an upper deck his last trip to the pot.

Redneck word of the Day: Funeralizin  Ex. He done died yesterday, so we will be funeralizin this weekend.

Quote of the Day: “I love you.”  “We need to say that more often.” -Superbad

TFOD: The Cubs will win the NL central.

6/11

So have you ever been so sun burnt that it feels like you were dipped in a turkey fryer?  That’s were I’m at right know.  Every move I make hurts.  What hurts even more is the only person to share my pain is Marsh Marsh.  You see we thought it would be a good idea to go to the pool yesterday at 2 and stay until dark, with no sunscreen.  Bad idea, yes it was a very bad idea.  However, if I can keep from pealing, I should have an awesome tan for just 5+ hours of work.  To top matters off, we thought it would be a great idea to play volleyball on top of the sunburn.  Oh I thought we were playing on sandpaper instead of sand. Then to top it off was the shower.  Oh the shower was painful, even using only cold water, it still felt like warm water hitting by body.  So anyways that ranks up there as one of the dumber things I have done in life.  So while I was at Wal-Mart or The Wall, I was looking for aloe vera and I come up on the fish section, and saw the Beta fishes.  The warning label on the containers said to not put two male Beta’s together.  So what do I want to do?  Put two male beta’s together and let the best man win.  As I was leaving the Wall, I got a call from a townie area code (806 for you not in the know) and it was a lady offering me a job.  Hell yeah, I’m rich bitch!  Not that exciting but something new to bitch about.  Anyways as I was cleaning the house a few days ago, I found some empty shell casings at the back door.  Using my forensic knowledge and my knowledge of guns I concluded that Tay Tay was shooting a .22 caliber gun outside at birds.  To top it off these .22 cals. were high velocity bullets capable of killing small animals.  What a moron.  I hope all of you like the new mini blogs, now you cannot escape the blogs, haha your mine. Ok so I was watching the DC last night on HBO and I realized that I can listen to the same jokes over and over and they are still funny.  I thought I was burned out on the Dane Train but no I have found a whole new level of Dane.  However, on the badass list he is still second behind Stoney.  Ok anyways Eloc out.

 

FF: There’s always someone in every group of friends that nobody fucking likes. If you don’t think so, then you’re the person!

Townie Meter: 6/10 No townies to see today.

Song of the Day: Summertime – Kenny Chesney

Funny word of the Day: Tri-sexual  Ex. I tri-sexual is someone who will try anything sexual.

Redneck word of the Day: Wallering  Ex. So Sam was wallering in the mud last night, he must have been drunker than Cooter Brown.

Quote of the Day: You never hear a guy say to one of his buddies, “Hey listen, Mike, Michael. Tonight, dude? I gotta dance. What, chicks? No, no. f**k chicks, dude. I wanna dance. I just want to express myself through the art of dance, Mike. I don’t wanna see a chick…”  – Dane Cook

TFOD: The guy Steele Dan kicks ass and I can’t wait to get my French Benefits.