8/8

So I’m bored, and I should be studying but I need to take a break, plus you know you love my thoughts.  So today I did nothing, I know I never not do something.  Tomorrow I have my last test of the summer, yes yes y-e-s.  I think all next week is open for me so I am open to do anything, anything.  So in recent developments, I have received my BAMF badge, literally.  It’s so kick ass.  So going back to when I got stopped for driving to fast, I had to take a field sobering test.  It is a field sobering test because no matter how fucked(1) up you are, as soon as the cop has you on the side of the road with a flash light in your eye and your having to fallow his finger to god knows where, you come back to life real quick.  The only problem with this is these test are made for you to fail.  I’ve taken 2 sober and failed both times.  It’s fucking(2) unAmerican.  Which I think is wrong, and you should too because this is infringing on our civil rights.  Besides just because my eyes twitchs does not mean I cannot function a car.  Some people can drink more than others without being all over the road.  Don’t get me wrong, you shouldn’t drink and drive, always drink then drive because you might spill your beer.  I’m getting off topic, ummmm beer.  But really I know for a fact that I can be three sheets to the wind and drive better than half the retards in this town, half being fratties (absolutely horrible at holding there liquor).  Maybe being a BAMF makes me have an elevated perception of myself, it’s not being conceded because I’m not.  They should also make it a law that women cannot drive after drinking.  I know that from experience that when women drive drunk it scares the shit out of me, that’s why I always get as hammered as possible before riding with an intoxicated woman.  I also think that you should be able to get a designated drunk driver license, because this would cut down on alcohol related accidences.  See if you only let good drunk drivers on the road after drinking, everyone would be safer.  Well I think I have blown any chance I had at politics and wining a public office, once this is published on the net.  In other news, I got my first offer to make money on the Townie, an offer from a porn site.  So maybe I will try to do a townie calendar after all.  Hell I could even start a porn site featuring Townies in action, maybe like Ron Jeremy.  Money!!!  Yea my public office chances are gone now.  The countdown is on to Stoney on Wednesday, so if you’re in the Hub City next Wed. head to Wild West, there will be so much BAMFness in one building that Lubbock might blow up.  Well it’s time to study or go to bed, maybe the lighter, Eloc out.

8/1

I’m excited, your excited, this is exciting!  De-scribles my day, although not really.  What’s so exciting about 10 in the morning?  So on the way to The University of Texas Tech (TTU) I became once more infuriated at the locals that drive in this city.  Most mornings it doesn’t bother me as I usually just pass by them in a blur and cuss them.  But when this isn’t possible my nerves run a little thin.  Have you ever had one of those mornings when you hit every fucking(1) red light?  That was this morning which is probably another reason why the locals got to me so bad.  I mean the light at 19th and Iola has to be the longest red, shortest green light in the whole city.  Then when it is green and the protected arrow goes away, instead of the regular light turning green it stays red and you have to wait another 10 minutes when there is no oncoming traffic.  Shit I’m hungry, BRB.  So then I start walking to class and I have what I would call a blonde moment, well I am sort blonde headed so maybe that could be a reason for this moment but for some reason, apparently I can’t walk without tripping over my own feet.  Fucking(2) pathetic.  Yea I busted out an old pair of reefers and get this….apparently the sole is coming off of them and it was causing me all sorts of hell.  As I was walking back to my truck (not car) I walked by this douchebag that was in my and Ry-I’s Theatre (with the r before the e) and noticed that he had a hell of a receding hairline.  I’m so thankful that I don’t have this because you are restricted as to what you can do with you hair (nothing) and as we know long hair is cool, you know it is.  Let’s just say it’s BAMFy.  So as I was listen to the music of Texas, I began to realize how many cool names there are in the Texas Scene and decided to make a cool names super group, here’s what I got so far: Drums- Les Lawless (RRB) Bass Guitar- Stormy Cooper (Roger Creager) Lead Vocals, Rhythm Guitar-Stoney LaRue (Stoney LaRue and the Arsenal).  I just need a fiddle and lead guitar to round out the group.  Well I am empty on useless knowledge so, Eloc out.  Oh yea the numbers in parentheses were for me to count the number of times I said fuck(3) in this post.  It’s below average.

 

FF: Colé’s ceral of chose is Lucky Charms.

Fratastic Meter: 8/10 Tay Tay is home and is starting to frat it up.

Song of the Day: Rambling Fever – The Hag

Funny word of the Day: Askhole  Ex.Ahhh, If that askhole Nick keeps asking those stupid questions, I swear I’m going to have to kill him just to survive this class.

Quote of the Day: “I’m excited, your excited, this is exciting!” – Bill from King of the Hill

TFOD: Sleeveless Under Armor is considered casual dress yearlong.

7/24

I’m just wondering, are you still here?  As I continue my trucking through summer, I can slowly see it fading to fall.  Which is good because football, MLB playoffs, college football, and fantasy football.  As I was hoping not to have to discuss fantasy football for the next month or so since training camp doesn’t start for the next two weeks.  But, I took a look at our (BDC) league and noticed that Mike once again pulled the sheets over Padré Ted’s eyes.  You see Padré has the first pick via the worst record last year, and he has decided, or was convinced I haven’t figured out yet, to trade (his) the 1st overall pick (LT) and his 2nd round (12th) for 3 picks, a 1st, 2nd, and 4th round pick.  This is absolutely  retarded, I mean I get shit all the time about being the retarded one, but I would bet my wonderlic test score is higher than Ted’s at this point.  Not to mention I can drive a forklift, but that’s neither here nor there.  I am to the point that we (the world) are filled with idiots that have no rational thoughts.  I mean the first pick and his 2nd round pick for a net gain of 1 draft chose (a 4^th round pick at that), mind bottling!?!  There is good news though, I just made a fantastic steak and saved a bunch of money on my car insurance.  In other fantasy news The New Orleans Katrina’s are in the middle of the pack in one of my fantasy baseball leagues and The BDC is moving up the leader board in another league after a slow start.  So I recently decided that instead of mastering the air guitar, I would actually try to learn how to play a real guitar, I know breathe in breathe out.  So I have already in a day and half learned how to tune the six string and also learned the G,C,D, and Em chords.  I have also found my first song I’m gonna learn, Kiss Me In the Dark, containing thoughs chords.  I originally was gonna learn Brown Eyed Girl, but I want to know country.  However, I have already broken 2 strings, 1 over tying and 1 replacing the broken one.  Net gain, -2.  I really think I should get pretty badass at this.  I just hope to be able to play Stoney’s library.  This only furthers my BAMF status. If accounting was as easy to learn as guitar I would be set.  In other news, I was Marsh Marsh’s whore today, running his ass around everywhere because his truck didn’t work.  Also, I was promised some beer at the bar so I will take that as a net gain.  The roomie is back on the 1st, might kinda be kinda nice to have back because I’m scared to stay by myself.  It did rain today, and no my hair did not get wet, which I was happy.  Oh I also got around to reading the new Harry Potter book; yea I know I said I wouldn’t so here’s what I did.  I went to the Wall, and picked up the Twatter, and opened it up to the last page and read the last paragraph, much like I read all my books in high school.  And to my disappointment, Harry lived.  In all good tales the good guy dies in the end, except Chuck Norris in Walker Texas Ranger.  Well I think it’s time to go look at some naked chicks so have a happy day tomorrow and a shitty night tonight, Eloc out.

 

FF: Medium well is the way Colé likes his steaks cooked.

Townie/Frat Meter: 7.5/10 Just your typical frat action, when is cowboy boots not acceptable footwear?………..Summertime.

Song of the Day: Still Here – Randy Rogers Band (Live at Cheatham Street)

Funny word of the Day: Buttstache  Ex. Dude he is so hairy I bet he has one hell of a buttstache.

Quote of the Day: “Oh, this is gonna be a hard chapter.” -Acc. Teacher, thanks for the confidence boast.

TFOD: A 1st and 2nd round pick for another lower 1st and 2nd and 4th pick is a good even trade.

7/16 A little late.

Ok, so I’m gonna have to get a quickie in because I gotta be at work at 4, but I haven’t preached in the last few days.  So I have now decided that at whenever possible I will now take Loop 289 everywhere, shall I say loopin’ it, a few of you know what I’m talking about.  This is not because I like driving out of the way of things, or because I find it particularly entertaining to drive around on the loop because I don’t, but because of the god awful drivers that inhabits Lubbock.  These fucking Townie drivers have to be the world’s worst drivers of any town.  I always thought Sangalo drivers were bad, which they are especially on Knickerbocker and Sherwood Speedway, but even the Sangalo townies are better drivers than the LBK townies.  So in other news my yard now looks like a CRP, for those of you not knowing what a CRP is, it is a government project that pays farmers and ranchers to grow grasslands on there properties, cool right to get paid to do nothing.  Speaking of getting paid, I get paid today, might only be 20 bucks but what ever the hell, that’s one night at the bar.  Speaking of bar, the BDC did some ravaging on the town Thur-Sun.  Thursday night we, Brent, Marsh Marsh, and yours truly went to Daiquiri Lounge and saw the Kinky Wizards or as I call them the Kinky Lizards.  The lead singer is trying his hardest to be as BAMFy as me, however he is just a few notches below, it’s ok everyone is.  Then on Saturday night me and all three of the XC boys hit the DL up again to see the Wizards again.  It was 2 dollar doubles and we proceeded to get lit out of our mind, it was mindbottling.  The Wizards may be trying to replace BM&SRB as my favorite LBK band.  Go see them; they play on Saturday at DL in a few weeks.  BM&SRB are at Icehouse Tuesday, but I can’t go because of a test on Wednesday, so I will try to catch them on Wednesday @ Ruby’s.  So then onto Sunday as kind of weekend cap-off, we decided to go bar hopping, a drinking Sunday, my 2nd fav. behind Drinking Thursday.  First we hit Ruby’s because the XC boys minus Jay hadn’t been there, then it was off to Mesquites to have some 1.75 schooners, btw they are not real schooners, just in the shape of a schooner, and to sit up on the porch/balcony.  We get up to the balcony and have plastic party cups and sat down.  Me first then Marsh Marsh and then Brent was to be the order.  However, as Marsh squared sat down, he put his cup of frosty refreshment on the crack of the table and it immediately spilled all over him, in the crotch region.  It didn’t look like he just dribbled on himself; it looked like a racehorse pissed on him.  So we chugged our beers, Brent and me and headed back to the XC.  After a quick shower and change (we watched), it was back to the bar, this time Buffalo Wildwings.  Now I know this isn’t really a bar but it did serve alcohol and actually had people in the place so we called it a night here.  Knocked out 3 buckets and listened to some of the worst karaoke.  Finally got home around 12:30, sorta resembled my typical night and next morning from the Spring Semester.  In other words, besides having to wake up at 7a.m. it was fantastic.  So to recap, Thur-Sun was a blur, won employee of the day(EOD) Friday and Saturday, found the Kinky Wizards, did some laundry, got my truck back, and got to see a BDC member that is gone for good from the LBK.  Things to do this week include knocking the bottom out of my first Acc. test, BM&SRB on Wed., and having the weekend off.  Happy trails, Eloc out.

 

FF: I am one of only two BAMFs in the BA, figure out who the second one is.

Fratastic/Townie Meter: 9/10 for the Thur-Mon. period.  A townie came into Jayson House of Love (Straight Love) running from the cops Friday night.  There are so many fratties in the BA you would think you were at Greek Circle.  And my townieriffic co-workers.

Song of the Day – The CCR Jam from Musicfest 2006 (A whole album which is a first)

Funny word of the Day: Flapper  Ex.  Be sure to use the flapper.

Quote of the Day: Seth: [referring to Evan's mother] I am truly jealous you got to suck on those tits when you were a baby.
Evan: Yeah, well, at least you got to suck on your dad’s dick.
Seth: [shrugs] It’s a nice lookin’ dick.                   ———From Superbad

TFOD: Ted keeps making cameos all over Lubbock, last Friday we made a cameo in the back up TRU.

7/11

Super sweet, I have a lot of things I’m burning on (ala Jime Rome). First off I, Jayson, Mike, Andy, and T-Wood went to see a cinematic adventure last night (License to Wed), a chick flick or as Jayson called it a romantic comedy. I will call it a chick flick because hottie Mandy Moore is in it. So as we arrive at the theatré we see a huge line outside, and at first I think nothing of this. When we go in to purchase tickets (e-tronically) we notice what looks to be a mass of sweating, stinking, magic card playing maniacs. It could only be Harry Potter (Twatter) fans, as you guessed it; it was the midnight release of this summer’s most anticipated movie. I have never seen one of the Harry Trilogy so I am going on pure speculation that this movie was intended for the younger crowd (teens) as it is about witchery and such. Any who I was surprised to see as many old people (college/townies) waiting in line as anyone. And here’s what I don’t understand, going to midnight release especially this one is crazy. First off I have reports of 6 hour waiting in line. Second, the movie is 2 and 1/2 hours long, with the first showing starting at 12a.m. and the latest at 12:20a.m., that puts you out of the theatré at somewhere around 3a.m. Don’t you crazy people have some place to be the next morning? Third, why not just wait till the next day, there are plenty of times showing and trust me half the screens are playing only this movie.

Plus there are 2 theatrés in town. Now I was really surprised to not have seen anyone dressed up as Harry as some people tend to do that when there favorite movies come out (Jayson you know what I’m talking about). Now back to my movie. So we are getting our tickets when the newest frat fad just happens to show up. Quilted shorts, I’m not talking plaid quilted but what your 75 year old grandma quilts. Absolutely breath taking were these shorts, I was practically on the floor laughing. I wish I would have had my camera on me as words do not describe this choice in dress. So we (I and Jayson) missed our customary dinner before the movie so I decided to splurge and buy a 3.50 popcorn with butter. However, I did not want just want butter I wanted layered butter. And you guessed it, I made her redo the butter job and layer my popcorn treat. My mouth waters just thinking about it. So anyways the cinematic adventure was good, I nearly cried. As we left I took this shot of the Potter Mania. So anyway I get up this morning and go to class (7:40) and then proceed to come home after a few errands and business trips. I get out to the steaming of my vehicle, particularly under the hood. So I being as resourceful as I am decide to crawl under the RV and see what is going on. I find what I think to be dripping oil right where the engine and tranny connect. So after a furious talk with the parents I take the RV up to Shamrock Chevy and get her looked at. First time since circa Nov. 2006 and we know what happened then, The Moble Clubhouse. For those of you not fortunate enough to ride in it, it was a Kia Minivan. Hey I’m alright with driving a Mini-Van because I am comfortable with my BAMFyness. So J-Rod takes me to rent a car, my wish a Mini-Van, however they were out by 7:30 this morning so I settled on a Chevy Cobalt. Sweet ass my friend. So me and the Rod go to the Depot (Home) and pick up so hardware for my bar in the garage. I come home to 6 missed calls (a high for me). Call the padrés and get the news that I need a new Tranny because the old one has a crack in the case. The cost: $2700, that’s right $2700 bucks and no lube. Also, the mechanic said that I was lucky that my truck did not catch on fire because of the leaking tranny fluid; great I could have been killed for the last month or so. However, I have always wanted to go down in flames. So here is what I accomplished today or yesterday depending on what day you read this: Good: Saw a cinematic adventure, Put up a t.v. in the garage w/ cable (1 of 2), went to class, did homework, cashed my paycheck. Bad:$2700 truck bill, rented a car, didn’t mow the grass, figured out my work schedule, and have one class left this week. I’m sure I missed something so I will leave it at that, Eloc out.

FF: The Dane train is in another movie come!!!

Fratastic Meter: 9.2/10 Fratties at school, fratties at the theatré, fratties everywhere I look. I think the name of my new song I’m writing is Fratties Everywhere. It will be on the streets by the start of the Fall semester.

Song of the Day: Red Dress – No Justice

Funny word of the Day: Va-JayJay Ex. This one is self explainitory.

Quote of the Day: “Look at that guy’s pants, they look like they were quilted.” – Jayson

TFOD: Ted makes a cameo in License to Wed as the forklift driver.

7/3

Hey, tiny townies, what a wonderful life.  First off I wake up at 9 this morning to go to work, well I get there and it’s not my day to work.  So get this apparently I was suppose to work yesterday, well I missed that one.  Instead I hit the links for what was suppose to be a good day at the links.  Well the front nine was good, but the back nine was a scene from tin cup. 15 over.  Any who I stayed late to work out the kinks.  Then today I went to the range and worked on putting and chipping and also my driving.  I have finally mastered the drive.  Now I am getting 240-250 carry and the best thing is it’s straight.  Hell it might be close to 275-300 as I was knocking it out of the range, and I don’t like to brag or anything but I’m strong.  I guess all those 12 oz. curls are paying off.  I also started a new work out plan today.  Here it is: 100 crunches.  The six pack will be back in no time.However, today the last 80 or so crunches burned like a fire from the depths of hell.  So anyways tomorrow is the fourth, and I get to work till 4 and then it’s off to the pool to check out some bitches, or just eat and drink like tomorrow might never come.  One way or another it’s gonna be fun.  Just keep walking that fenceline people.  Oh yeah I need to correct the quote of the day from 7/2, it should read, “Sho is hott.”  Oh help me get over this mountain.  As you may be asking yourself why do I keep adding random lines in here, well I just keep thinking of songs that I’ve listened to, there’s no significant here.  So any who all I keep hearing from Lubbock news is how we are under a water ration.  How ignorant is this?  You might ask why would I ask such an ignorant question but here’s why: you see last summer during the drought there was no restrictions and now that there is plenty of rain LBK city officials see fit that we worry about the water shortage. We’ve only had a record number of rainfall this year.  Please move to the year 2007 people.  I mean my grass grows at an alarming rate, why the fuck would I want to water it?  In other news, I recently found a new Home Depot in Lubbock.  I know, sit down because this might just be super shocking news to you as it was to me.  So apparently it’s on 50th and Indiana if you wanna check-it-out.  Just breath taking!  Oh how could I forget, STONEY is now my #1, riding shotgun, friend on myspace.  It only took since like January to get him to add me but it’s just one small step for mankind.  Sorry Dane you are now number two until you earn back that number 1 spot.  What now, my life is complete.  Eloc out bitches!

 

FF: I want to carry the boom box in the Entourage.

Townie Meter: 7/10 Poked my head out the back door this morning and there was that townie scent.  I don’t know what to tell you.  Jay you can have the redheaded townie from the pool, I only speculated that she has been passed around like a bottle of crown, but you don’t care do you?

Song of the Day: Turn on the Light – Wade Bowen (TTU graduate)

Funny word of the Day: iPerbole Ex. Claims that the iPhone will change the world are all part of the iPerbole surrounding the cultish company.

Quote of the Day: “That was not grape juice that was a jager bomb. Its the nectar of the gods or so I hear.” -Stoney LaRue

TFOD: Fallonous is a word I heard someone on tv use it.

6/26 Night

Ahoy townies, that’s right it’s a two for Tuesday, 2 blogs 1day.  So get this, I had my longest continuous awake streak come to an end, 27 1/2 hrs.  Fuck 4 a.m. shifts, however, I am slowly working my way up the corporate ladder.  I should be a manager within a month.  What do you expect working with a bunch of illiterate, stupidass townie people?  I mean there whole system is in shambles.  Anyways, me and The Jayson went on a afternoon dinner date at the Freebird’s on University.  Oh how great is summer?  TTU campus looks more like a beach minus bikinis, than it does a higher learning institution.  Lordy, there is no doubt in my mind that Texas Tech has the best looking co-eds of any University.  So as we were watching the hot chicks walk by (window shopping) we see this ultra badass Jeff Gordon edition car, exact replica.  I thought for a moment I was at Daytona.  While at Freebird’s I looked at the display of burrito sizes, which I could not help but conger up dirty thoughts that ran through my brain.  Sorry I’m a male, that’s pretty much all I think about all day.  I swear the biggest burrito there is the size of a full size Pringles can, no joke.  On to more pressing issues, so in the ever pursuit of becoming the ultimate BAMF, I have decided that instead of calling in and asking off on Saturday, I am just gonna leave without saying shit.  Why you may ask?  Because when your a BAMF, people should know what your doing without having to ask you.  That’s me god damnit, I don’t have to tell anyone what my intentions are, they should know.  Just as most people know not to call me between the hours of 1-3 p.m. because it’s my nap time.  So I have a few new tunes that you need to download, first El Paso by The Gourds, it’s not the same as Marty Robbins.  Second, thou must take a listen to Ralphie May.  Third and this is one I heard at a concert, I Believe in Everything by John Entwistle (the former bassist of The Who).  If you want a little southern rock check out No Justice, they have potential to become BAMFs in a few years.  So here recently, well for a while now I’ve noticed the Social Timeline on facebook under the friends tab.  Well see I could not figure out what this device did, but get this, it tracks down what you do from year to year according to your friends details.  However, there is only one problem, everyone likes to be oh so cute and make up out landish shit for friends details.  Such as Ryan and Bob were fuck buddies back in 80 but now are not talking.  Well on the social timeline it shows up under 1980 that Ryan and Bob were fuck buddies and so on.  I think this was a device to sort of help people remember when they met people/hooked up, sorta like my Townie.  Anyways to make this long story short, I have started going through my friends and started adding details of how I know the people on my list.  It will be hard for some people since apparently they know like 500 people.  Your not Dane Cook, you should not have that many “friends”.  Rant over, maybe I’m just jealous or I don’t like to add the 800 + people that I graduated with, 3/4 of them which I never acknowledged.  Eloc out.

 

FF: 60% of all townies don’t own cars.

Townie Meter: 8/10 Apparently TRU is the place for all townies to go shop for baby items such as food, diapers, and toys.  Whatever happened to Wal*Mart?

Song of the Day: Bluebonnets – CCRW Clicky Clicky

Funny word of the Day: Cubadiving  Ex. Let’s go cubadiving this weekend.

Quote of the Day: Cole:”You know how they play golf in Iraq?” Nathan:”How?” Cole:”With a sand wedge, even on the greens.”

TFOD: First you learn to crawl, then walk, then run……… run, run, run.

6/19

So I guess I might as well let you know what’s going on in the world of Colé.  Let’s see, the bitch and my date didn’t happen, Sosa hitting 600 didn’t happen, I still don’t know if I get to go to Big D this weekend to worship a last place team, and I didn’t get to the practice range today.  However, only the bright side I just saved a bunch of money switching to geico .  So I think I blew my laptop up, maybe to much porn?  So that gives me something to do for tonight.  Oh yeah, I was able to get almost the entire old Stoney album Downtown.  Hell yeah, not a day goes by that I do not listen to my main man Stoney.  Tomorrow I’m off and get to mow the yard, hippie, hopefully someone will pull the dick out of there ass and go to the bar seeing as it’s been over a week and a half since I have visited one of those fine establishments.  Maybe Ruby’s for some Margarita’s and some BM&SRB, however, I will go to any bar, I just wanna go.  The free music cards my madré sent to me turned out to be a bust.  You see they were “samplers” and they contain only shit ass country music.  Out of 12 songs, only one was good (Free and Easy-Dierks Bentley) and one was fair (Miranda Lambert, my future wife).  So here recently I started doing these little bulletins posting questionnaires and now I find myself waiting for a new one to come across the board so I can further knowledge you about me.  Any ways today I helped fellow blogger Jayson fix his dryer problem,+1 JP point.  Add that to the list of things I can do, electrical work check.  Well I’m going to finish off listening to RRB live at Steamboat ‘05, Eloc out.

 

FF: Things to do to let people remember you:  Go to a party and find the room with the coats, then shit on the coats.  Someone will find this and come out and say, “Some one shit on the coats!”  Then you say “What? I hope it wasn’t my coat.”  And then disappear like phantom.

Townie Meter: 7.5/10  The pale red headed townie @ the toy store was quite the person.  Age 20 and engaged, never drinks repeat never drinks, doesn’t do drugs double repeat does not toke, and did I mention she goes to LCU.  Plus the fact half the people at the toy store already know me, go figure I’m sort of a huge deal.

Song of the Day: Like it Used to Be – Randy Rogers

Funny word of the Day: Upper Decker  Ex. Jay had an upper deck his last trip to the pot.

Redneck word of the Day: Funeralizin  Ex. He done died yesterday, so we will be funeralizin this weekend.

Quote of the Day: “I love you.”  “We need to say that more often.” -Superbad

TFOD: The Cubs will win the NL central.

6/11

So have you ever been so sun burnt that it feels like you were dipped in a turkey fryer?  That’s were I’m at right know.  Every move I make hurts.  What hurts even more is the only person to share my pain is Marsh Marsh.  You see we thought it would be a good idea to go to the pool yesterday at 2 and stay until dark, with no sunscreen.  Bad idea, yes it was a very bad idea.  However, if I can keep from pealing, I should have an awesome tan for just 5+ hours of work.  To top matters off, we thought it would be a great idea to play volleyball on top of the sunburn.  Oh I thought we were playing on sandpaper instead of sand. Then to top it off was the shower.  Oh the shower was painful, even using only cold water, it still felt like warm water hitting by body.  So anyways that ranks up there as one of the dumber things I have done in life.  So while I was at Wal-Mart or The Wall, I was looking for aloe vera and I come up on the fish section, and saw the Beta fishes.  The warning label on the containers said to not put two male Beta’s together.  So what do I want to do?  Put two male beta’s together and let the best man win.  As I was leaving the Wall, I got a call from a townie area code (806 for you not in the know) and it was a lady offering me a job.  Hell yeah, I’m rich bitch!  Not that exciting but something new to bitch about.  Anyways as I was cleaning the house a few days ago, I found some empty shell casings at the back door.  Using my forensic knowledge and my knowledge of guns I concluded that Tay Tay was shooting a .22 caliber gun outside at birds.  To top it off these .22 cals. were high velocity bullets capable of killing small animals.  What a moron.  I hope all of you like the new mini blogs, now you cannot escape the blogs, haha your mine. Ok so I was watching the DC last night on HBO and I realized that I can listen to the same jokes over and over and they are still funny.  I thought I was burned out on the Dane Train but no I have found a whole new level of Dane.  However, on the badass list he is still second behind Stoney.  Ok anyways Eloc out.

 

FF: There’s always someone in every group of friends that nobody fucking likes. If you don’t think so, then you’re the person!

Townie Meter: 6/10 No townies to see today.

Song of the Day: Summertime – Kenny Chesney

Funny word of the Day: Tri-sexual  Ex. I tri-sexual is someone who will try anything sexual.

Redneck word of the Day: Wallering  Ex. So Sam was wallering in the mud last night, he must have been drunker than Cooter Brown.

Quote of the Day: You never hear a guy say to one of his buddies, “Hey listen, Mike, Michael. Tonight, dude? I gotta dance. What, chicks? No, no. f**k chicks, dude. I wanna dance. I just want to express myself through the art of dance, Mike. I don’t wanna see a chick…”  – Dane Cook

TFOD: The guy Steele Dan kicks ass and I can’t wait to get my French Benefits.

6/4

Great to be back in Lubbock.  So it has come to my attention that people need there Townie fix and it is here and an action packed episode.  Ok first I would like to give you a list of things to do in Seymour while your visiting, on your way to Dallas, because I believe TravelTexas.com is missing a few things so here they are.  1) Listen to 94.9 the Outlaw.  This is the best Texas/Red dirt music radio station I have found in Texas besides internet radio station radiofreetexas.com.  2) Go to the Salt Fork on the Brazos and play a round of golf on one of the best municipal golf courses in the state and @ 6 bucks per nine its a must do even if your not good at golf, just go drink, it’s BYOB, plus 1 J.P.  3) Hit up the Old Chaps Bar.  This is the ONLY bar in Seymour, and it is sure to show you the pinnacle of the night life in Seymour, not to mention they have damn good t-bones for cheap.  4) Go to Chicken Express and see the Bull Dyke that works the drive through.  This lady has stubble on her side burns and on her chin.  Very impressive, she probably can grow a better beard than I can.  5) Dollar hamburgers @ Sonic and DQ on Tuesday nights, just call your order in first if you are going to DQ.   5) Go to the Casa de Eloc and stop in and say hey.  Well onto the drive home.  First of all I had no A/C and it was hotter than hell, I think I sweated through my shirt.  So within 5 minutes of being in LBK I damn near got in a wreck because of these god damn Townie drivers.  It would have been pretty expensive since I would have hit a Lexus but crisis averted with my on the ball driving skills.  Then as I am turning on Iola and 19th a F250 damn near causes another wreck, damn women drivers.  I don’t mean to sound sexist here but it seems that all women drivers in Lubbock absolutely suck ass at driving.  I don’t know, may be it’s just me.  Turn your fucking head and look both ways and 90 percent of women related accidents would be avoided.  So I’m sure y’all want to know how Eloc did in the golf tournament.  Well I would like to report that we finished 3rd, but it could have been a lot better, had we not  missed so many greens because I was lights out w/ the flat stick.  Ended up shooting 1 under for the weekend.  Got a 3 man scrabble at the beginning of July, maybe we can do better since we have a golf coach playing w/ us.  Now I just have to find a summer job, no fucking around.  However, I would just assume sit by the pool with something domestic, lite, and cold in my hand.  Until tomorrow, I promise, Eloc out.

 

FF: The King Ranch in Texas is bigger than the state of Rhode Island.

Townie Meter: 8/10 For the week in Seymour.  This is a very townie like town, straggler people walking the streets, inbreeds, and no fratty people.

Song of the Day: The Weight – Cody Canada, Stoney LaRue, Wade Bowen, Randy Rogers, etc.

Funny word of the Day: Dick Flick  Ex. John lets go watch some dick flicks, I heard Bruce Willis has a new film with lots of killing.

Redneck word of the Day: Hunker  Ex. Jim went and hunkered behind a tree because he could wait till he got home.

Quote of the Day: “If I die in Tennessee their shipping me back by COD.(To Texas)” – Robert Earl Keen

TFOD:  Ted doesn’t run enough.

Extra, pics from the CCRW/Stoney Concert in San Angelo: Enjoy.
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