5/29

Good day, Townies.  I know it’s late but in a town like this (Seymour) you have to wait all day to make sure you don’t miss something exciting to report on.  To let you know what kind of town this is, the local high school softball team made state and as they left town today they received an escort from not 1 but 2 fire trucks blaring there sirens.  Yes this is small town America.  Lets see, today I charged my dead battery on my Jeep, then went to Bubba Veta’s Automotive store (redneck word: Bubba) to get a new belt.  Next, me and pops went over and removed carpet from one of our rent houses here in Seymour.  We literally own half the town, bet you didn’t know that.  Detracting, I picked up Randy Rogers Band Live @ Billy Bob’s.  Great disc if you like that type of music, I do.  Any ways whoever wants the CD that came w/ the DVD can have it.  Back to the day that was May 29th.  Went home after cleaning the house and got some grub before heading out to Salt Fork on The Brazos (Golf Course).  Shot a modest 3 over after a terrible start on number 1 and 2, both bogeys on holes that are birdie holes.  Then after a scare @ number 8 when I was laying 2 @ 192 to the pin with a tail wind, when I pull a 7 iron and proceed to chunk the shit out of it, leaving 100 yrds to the pin.  Was able to scrabble a par, but this was a very birdie able hole.  Finished number nine with a par.  Pared the last 3 which was pretty good considering how we started.  Any ways, come home and work on the old Jeep and get it running.  Now I can pimp all the locals, the Old Chaps here I come.  I can go pick up some 40 something’s, and maybe get a few new diseases that not even Lubbock has experienced yet.  Now I am just sitting here blogging, sipping a few Miller’s (Lite) and watching chick flicks.  You know how much I love chick flicks.  If you get a chance and you like good Texas music not made in Texas check out Chris Knight’s album entitled Chris Knight, got to love self titled albums.  Well apparently Seymour doesn’t receive Ranger games that are not on FSN SW, what a drag that was the entertainment for the night.  For some of you school starts tomorrow, haha, school does rule.  The concert calendar looks like this.  For those of you in Highland Village area, Eli Young and Stoney headline the Highland Village festival this weekend.  I know this does not effect very many of you, but the 2 townies that are in the HV area are now in the know how.  Until tomorrow and I think I’m going to bed, Eloc out.

 

FF: The average bra size is 36C.  Ten years ago it was 34B.

Townie Meter: 6/10 Seymour Townies don’t have as cool of tats as the Lubbock Townies.

Song of the Day: It Ain’t Easy Being Me – Chris Knight

Funny word of the Day: Google Eye  Ex. Tracy McGrady has a hell of a google eye...[if gte vml 1]> ..[endif]–>..[if !vml]–>..[endif]–>

Redneck word of the Day: Beejeebees  Ex.  By god you scared the beegeebees out of me.

Quote of the Day: “Consumption of alcoholic beverages impairs your ability to drive a car or operate machinery, and may cause health problems.” – Miller Lite can  Damn I need another beer.

5/28

To quote Steve Earle, “There ain’t a lot to do in this town, go down to the lake and turn back around.  I’m going to get out of here someday.”  That describes the town of Seymour.  That’s right this is a roadie edition of the Townie.  Got up at about 11 this morning, wish I could have slept all day, still wouldn’t have missed anything which is a shame since it’s Memorial Day.  Any who, went to the golf course at 2 and dominated shooting even par.  I know Tiger here I come.  When I drove to the Seymour I drove the last hour in a driving rain literally, 55 mph.   Plans for the week include, Golf, work, and eating.  Maybe a beer somewhere in between there.  Oh yeah the finale of the week includes a 2 day golf tournament.  Hope I can win the third or fourth flight shooting 2 under.  One thing is for certain, Eloc will be walking on to the Tech golf team this fall.  Once again Tiger here I come.  I think I am gonna get stuck doing what I hate worse, cutting down trees.  Well the Rangers get to lose late tonight, should be 13 out of the last 15.  The Townie turns 100 here in the next few editions, thinking of something special for the occasion.  Until tomorrow, Eloc out, stay Townie Lubbock.

FF: It’s physically impossible to lick your elbow.

Townie Meter: 7/10 Seymour Townies at the golf course.  Let me explain.  Golf dress attire in Seymour is t-shit, sweat pants, Velcro shoes, and a case of Milwaukee’s Best.

Song of the Day: Shifting Gears – Cooder Graw

Funny word of the Day: Glasscock   Ex.  Just outside of San Angelo resides Glasscock county.

Redneck word of the Day: Minners  Ex. Lets go get some minners and go fishin.

Quote of the Day: “Two grand slams in a week – man, that’s seven or eight ribbies right there.”  – Bill Madlock

TFOD: Ted skin rug.

5/23

Well, same ole same ole going on again.  Wake to the sound of howling dogs.  Get up and go outside and low and behold the damn dogs are gone again.  I furiously go out front and to my surprise Little Jack is standing in the front yard.  Grab that little son of a bitch and proceeded to beat the living shit out of him.  Almost beat the dog shit out of him.  Throw him inside and go to look for the main culprit of all this nonsense, Sadie.  Ok sense we started dog sitting this fucking moron, there have been 3 new holes dug in the backyard and the dogs have got out twice in less than week.  I am sick of that fucking dog, I hope to god I never see that dog again after today.  Might not have to worry about it because I have yet to find her.  Plus Parker and his shit ass bullshit is gonna get a cussing at.  This is not a fucking dog kennel and Sadie just adds to Jackson’s fire to cause chaos.  Did get the yard mowed a few minutes ago.  Lesson to be learned here, don’t wear black.  Watching the Rangers, who are only one game back of having the worst record in baseball.  Have the Twinkies today and then a 3 game set w/ Boston.  Could have a chance to get there.  Also Slammin’ Sammy (my boy) is 2 hrs away from 600.  Speaking of my boy, I get to finally see Stoney tomorrow.  My feet don’t touch the ground, really.  Just kidding.  As for plans today, include bitching at Parker, doing a whole lot of nothing, eating, and maybe a cocktail.  Then it is off to San Galo, for a weekend of fun, haha.  Hopefully I will find my way down to the river.  Until next time, Eloc out.

 

FF: Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. 

Townie Meter: 8/10 Played some v-ball with some townies.  Add another thing townies are not good at.  Not to mention townies no everyone.

Song of the Day: One Chord Song – Stoney

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Funny word of the Day: Buttpepper  Ex. When I had the squirts last night it was a real buttpepper.

Redneck word of the Day: Kin Folks  Ex. Going to see the kin folks today.

Quote of the Day: “John Goodman isn’t fat. He’s in a category beyond fat. What does one call it? Whalelike” – Sam Kinison

TFOD: Insert something funny here.

5/22

Yo townie so get this, apparently good citizen (White) Jayson saved a townie.  10/10.  Anyways on to more important things, yesterday Eloc and fellow BDC members went to the pool and then on to volley.  By now you can tell we’re into this volleyball thing.  We’re good, I mean really good.  So today I have decided to go see a potential employer for the summer, don’t get to excited yet.  This does not mean the Townie doesn’t take a dive.  I will continue w/ the Townie until I’m done with college or Lubbock.  Might be a few years from now.  I can tell you all love the Townie as viewer ship is slowly creeping back up to normal numbers.  Good to see all is not lost just yet.  A few weeks ago, maybe a month ago, (White) Jayson suggested that I start a Townie of the week.  Well this would be an award for the most loyal of viewer that I knew of.  Well for the past month or so I would have to give it to (White) Jayson because he kept me afloat while all others watched to see whether the Townie would survive threw the bad times.  Well it did.  As I have been typing and like normal, I usually listen to music, hints how I get the song of the day.  Well today I have really been digging some Chris Knight.  Not Peter Brady, singer/songwriter Chris Knight.  Songs of particular interest are Down to the River and Cry Lonely.  He is kick ass if you like Texas country even though he is from Tennessee (boo).  Also I have taken a liking to Jason Aldean, even though the two nimwits from Big and Rich helped write Amarillo Sky.  Hard to believe that Big and Rich actually write.  Also to update you, Stoney on Thursday that’s only 2 days away.  You know the saying Hott Damn.  Don’t worry I will take notes at the show and review it for you.  Also, it is Tuesday, which means dollar beer night at the Icehouse w/ the Short Bus Band.  And get this, they play beer pong at Icehouse.  I know weird.  Probably won’t make it though.  So yesterday I finally got done with my laundry.  Now all that needs to be done is the dishes.  If anyone was ever over at my apartment at the IV you all know that we literally never did dishes until we ran out of dishes.  Well we’re at that stage now over here at the house.  And my shithead roommate never does dishes and also always invites his boring friends to come make a mess that is usually cleaned up by me.  On the subject of shithead friends.  I come home last night to TayTay and his friend drinking what was to be beer split between me and TayTay.  Well there is no beer left and it’s a good thing that I did not end up paying him for my part of the beer.  Although he still owes me 15 bucks from last weekend when he got threw out of a bar and I had to cover for him.  Well I’m gonna cut this one short and call it a day, Eloc out.

 

FF: The phrase “rule of thumb” is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn’t beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

Townie Meter: 7/10  Townies at the pool, one in rehab.  Never would have thunk it.  Also townie friendship being broke.

Song of the Day: After All – Cross Canadian Ragweed

Funny word of the Day: Republican  Ex.

..>..>

Typically a person who believes that: 1)The 2nd Amendment of the Constitution takes precedence over the rest of the Constitution. 2)The rich should be tax-exempt, and that the middle and lower classes should have to foot the bill, also, a person who bitches when an under-funded government agency is unable to carry out its assigned task. 3)Thinks that programs such as welfare, medicare/medicaid and minimum wage are unconstitutional and should be banned. 4)Labels everything and everyone they disagree with as being “Communist” or “Anti-American” or “French.”

Redneck word of the Day: Recdum  Ex. My uncle had three car but he done recdum all.

Quote of the Day: “Don’t bring a child’s drink to a man’s party.” – Eloc

TFOD: What do I own? Um……. I’ll tell you, THE PAINT!!!

5/21

Well after a brief hiatus, one day, I am back to reporting only the facts. You see the Townie is a daily publication except there is no Townie on the day of the Lord. So I went up to campus today to get out of the house and also to sell my books back. First of all, you can still not park anywhere on campus without paying. What kind of bullshit is this? The campus is dead and there is plenty of parking. So I decided to take a chance and park in the library parking lot. As soon as I get out of my car, who do I see but the Tech Parking Nazi driving around. Not the biker cops but the cops that drive around in an air conditioner trucks. So I decided I better move so I don’t lose some of my profits from my book selling. So I decide to go park in the parking garage and cross my fingers. As I lug 60-80lbs of books across campus, I notice that they have not mowed the grass. You think that with all the money they make from parking tickets, they could hire a few more landscape architecture majors (glorified lawn mowers). But no this is not the case; it looks like some grassland ready to be grazed by a few hundred head of cattle. Also as I walked across campus between the English building and the Library (the one you study at), I noticed that they finally finished the sidewalk that they worked on for damn near a year. Are these the same civil engineers that are working on the Dike Freeway? Speaking of dike, the newest cool name to be added to the list is former TTU head football coach Spike Dikes. Only in Texas would you name your kid Spike. So I finally make it to Barnes and Nobles, my arm damn near about to fall off, I go to retrieve some “free” money. To my surprise, I made 116.75 on 5 books. Hot damn. So I went with six books and came back home w/ 1. Here’s what usually happens though, you always can’t sell back your heaviest book. Also as I get back to the parking garage, I see a bunch of bike Nazi’s in training, swarming around like bees. I quickly jumped in the car and got the fuck out of dodge. So the other day, yesterday to be exact, the mutts got out again and again both where found. Unbelievable, we just can’t get rid of these mutts. Played some V-B yesterday and of course dominated that sport. Eloc is what you call an athlete. So Stoney is just days away, I can’t wait. Until later, Eloc out.

FF: American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating 1 olives from each salad served in first class.

Townie Meter: 5/10 Yet to find a really big townie sighting.

Song of the Day: Cry Lonely – Chris Knight

 

Funny word of the Day: Facebook Fakeout Ex. Caryn pulled a hell of a facebook fakeout on me. She was hot as shit in her profile picture but under her other pictures she is ugly as hell.

Redneck word of the Day: Wadjuwant Ex. What did you want?

Quote of the Day: “Two words, Nuclear Fucking Weapons.” – Dennis Leary

TFOD: Jim Bean was paid a million dollars to find a recipe for whiskey.

5/18

So, summer continues to become more exciting.  I wake up this morning to a familiar stench, and some rattling bones, oh it must be that dreaded ass dingy mutt.  Walk out of my room and much to my surprise it is that ugly, stinky, old ass mutt Sadie sitting at my door.  Apparently our house is a dog kennel.  It perplexes me how people think they are responsible enough to own a dog and then they end up leaving them with people as soon is something they want to do comes up and they just drop it off on someone else.  The real thing that pisses me off about this is the fact that Park Park still has the key to the house and he doesn’t even live here.  But since Brian doesn’t want to keep Sadie guess who get stuck with her?  You guessed it, good old roommates.  So now we have that old digging ass dog inhabiting our backyard again.  Well to say the least it was quite a surprise waking up to find something you hate looking right at you.  At least it would have been cool if it would have been a naked chick or something, maybe breakfast.  So today looks to be a beautiful overcast day in the LBK.  So tonight looks as if it might be off the chain with exciting activities.  I however will not drop any hints about what this will be, read tomorrow’s townie to find out.  Watching Edtv right now and it looks something like my life with this blog minus all the drama.  Any ways have a great day, I think I will listen to some tunage till everyone gets off of work.  Eloc, out.

 

FF: Apples, not caffeine, are more effective at waking you up in the morning.

Townie Meter: 6/10 Saw a townie at the BK Lounge.

Song of the Day: Way Back Texas – Pat Green

Funny word of the Day: Byah  Ex. Not only are we going to New Hampshire. We’re going to South Carolina and Arizona and North Dakota and New Mexico, and we’re going to California and Texas and New York. And we’re going to South Dakota and Oregon and Washington and Michigan. And then we’re going to Washington, D.C. to take back the White House.
BYAHHHHHHHHHH!

Redneck word of the Day: Handier’ n-a shirt pocket

Quote of the Day: “Doing nothing is very hard to do…you never know when you’re finished.” – Leslie Nielsen

TFOD: Ted has to learn how to drive a fork lift.  Train wreck waiting to happen.

5/17

So here’s the deal, I have been spending way to much time on Myspace and Facebook.  So I found a little song that describes me and quite possibly a few other readers.

Bud Light Presents: “Today we salute you, FaceBook addict. You thought you could just log on once, but little did you know it would consume your life. Joining one pointless group was just not enough. Adding every person you never spoke to in high school just to be “virtually” popular. As if IM wasn’t enough to feed into your stalker-ish behavior. Oooo look at you with your 340659 “friends”. So go ahead, crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Compulsive Away Message Checker Turned Face Book Psycho. It’s too bad that you’re not too popular at the bar, but in virtual reality, you’d be the life of the cyber party.”

Don’t lie to yourself, you are on facebook at least 5 times a day, hell maybe 5 times an hour.  Also yesterday as I talked on the phone to the Madre (mother), I realized how much I hate insurance agencies and oil companies.  First how in the Fuck is gas worth 3.18 a gallon?  Fucking money grubbers.  Is 2 bucks a gallon not enough for you?  3 dollars is ridiculous, I mean it cost me damn near 80 bucks now to fill up.  I’m sure yall all feel the same way about gas as I do so we will head on to insurance companies.  However, I just saw a commercial with everyone’s favorite, Chuck Norris.  Don’t say you don’t like Chuck for he will round house kick you to the head if you disagree.  Now I saw a DQ commercial and it looked so damn tasty, to bad gas is 3 bucks a gallon or I might go get one, fucking oil companies.  I digress, the Cubs are back on.  Hell commercials are more interesting than Cub games.  Why is it that for every ticket you get your insurance rate goes up?  I mean it is literally possible to get 3 tickets in a week especially if your a college student.  However, you can get in multiple car accidents before your insurance rates sky rocket.  And what is it with speeding tickets being so expensive.  You almost have to take out a small loan to pay off one of these bad boys.  This brings me to my next rant, minimum wage.  Who in the blue hell thought it would be a good idea to leave minimum wage rates at the same rate for the past decade?  I think the last time minimum wage went up was in 94 but don’t hold me to it.  Everything goes up except minimum wages.  Oh well, thats why I’m in secondary education.  I mean after you leave college, you have a job waiting for you.  Finally cut all ties with Park Park, thank god.  Ragweed in a week, hooray.  I was so bored yesterday that I played MLB 06 the Show, yeah I know its last years game but I’m poor.  Any who, I put up 25 runs on the 12-2 Mariners.  Kick ass.  Did do some studying last night up at the Library.  My head hurts from all the studying I did.  Summer is starting to look up.  Till latter kids, Eloc out.

FF: Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first US president whose name contains all the letters from the word “criminal.” The second was William Jefferson Clinton.

Townie Meter: 8/10 Our townie bartender last night was hot.  But still a townie.

Song of the Day: Americana (Mother Freedom Song) – Cody Canada Song

Funny word of the Day: Boobies. Ex. Look at them boobies, there amazzzzzzing.

Redneck word of the Day: Tar  Ex. Look yonder, that truck tar is low.

Quote of the Day:  “What it do?  It is what it is.” – Ezra

TFOD: It’s illegal to for 17 yr olds to see naked people on t.v.

5/16

Ok I have alot of shit to get of my chest, not literally but figuratively.  Ok so I go to my advisor for what is to be a relatively no problem advisement session.  So I get in there and get good news that I do not have to retake a class that I had previously passed.  Then comes the bad news, I’m already signed up for a class that I’ve already taken.  Then the advisor tells me that in order to take 12 hrs in the Spring, I must take a class that was gonna take in the fall, so I can meet all the prerequisites.  Great so what does this mean?  Summer FUCKING School.  And it just so happens that its an 8 o’clock class.  I have already sworn to myself that I would never take another 8 am class in my life.  This also ruins my second half of my summer.  My god when will it end?  As I sat in the advisor’s office I noticed a card that said had something to do w/ depression and suicide.  Now I understand why they put those cards in the advisement center, because you can go in there the happiest person in the world and come out ready to kill yourself and others too. On a bright note, I think I may have found a job for the summer.  The bad thing is I’m still looking for a roommate.  Oh joy.  Also, why is it that during summer time you still can’t get good parking on campus?  I guess they like to reserve it for the teachers that are not even at the damn place until next week, now it makes total sense.  Jayson as talked about how he did not want to burn through all his activities for week in one day because he wouldn’t have anything to blog about, well if you ever need a little drama in your life go to your advisor.  Also, as I spoke to the mother, she has found out about the speeding ticket at chili fest that I got and  I unknowingly reviled that I got 160 bucks worth of parking tickets that she paid for because I told her that they were “tuition”.  I was in a rage and got on the phone.  I would sum my call up to my mom with liking it to doing a little drunk dialing.  Maybe it should be a raged mans words are a sober mans thoughts.  Fuck it and fuck Tech, Eloc out.

 

FF: Sound travels 4 times faster in water than in air.

Townie Meter:  5/10 Fuck townies, I was in no mood to pay attention to them.

Song of the Day: You Had a Bad Day – Daniel Powter

Funny word of the Day: Phone boned  Ex.  Last night I phone boned your mother.

Redneck word of the Day: Cement Pond   Ex.  Let’s go to the cement pond this afternoon and get a tan.

Quote of the Day: “So what’s it gonna be Chinky, hot dog or hamburger?” – Rodney Carrington

TFOD: Garh.?.?.?  (Hot Fuzz)

5/16

Happy townie day LBK.  Went to the mall this morning for lack of better thing to do, also I used it as sort of a field trip say Townie hunting.  Well I saw plenty of townies and such but this trip just did not provide for enough entertainment for me.  So my life is in a boring slump almost as bad as Mike Young’s batting average.  So anyways to pass the time yesterday, me and Jayson went to catch a double feature.  All was well until we went to go to see if Kicking it Oldschool was in the theater, Domo.  Then the theater nazi’s stood outside of Spiderman 3 so we were forced to go home and watch Eurotrip, Oh my robot balls (In a Mexican Voice).  After the movies me and Jayson played quarters alone and I was able to add to my cool names list.  Here’s the new entry, -Beamer Weems.  Beamer was a player for the Baylor Bears baseball team the last two years.  No plans for today as usual, but maybe we can get together a game of volleyball or something.  IDK, I’m just out of things, Eloc out.

 

FF: In 32 years there are about 1 billion seconds!

Townie Meter: 6/10 Townies just love to hang out at the mall.

Song of the Day: Whiskey – Pat Green

Funny word of the Day: Closet Townie  Ex.  Ted is a closet townie, he reads but never discusses the townie.

Redneck word of the Day: Shingdig  Ex. The crawfish boil was one hell of a shingdig.

Quote of the Day: “It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip ‘em the bird.” – Unknown

TFOD: It doesn’t snow in Japan.

5/15

Whats up Townies?  As you know this blog is becoming harder to do now that school is out and everyone is out of the loop.  I don’t know, I guess I will have to try to go out and make the best out of what appears to be a slow summer.  A little update on the job hunt, it’s going slow.  I was sitting around doing nothing yesterday trying to think of some creative ideas to start incorporating in this already action packed publication.  This is what I came up with, a cool names list.  Corny as it may sound I think it might just work.  Sort of like Jayson’s Shitlist.  So here are the first two entries. 1. Les Lawless - This is the drummer for the Randy Rogers Band, what a badass name, I mean Lawless, kinda describes me.  2. Stormy Cooper – Part of the Roger Creager Band, the name just rolls of the tongue really well.  The exciting event of last night was me cooking mean meal, and by mean I mean it was incredible.  Then sat down and watched the San Antonio Thugs try to dismantle the Suns.  I swear SA must be the dirtiest team in the NBA.  First it was hitting Nash in the face, then Bowen kneeing Nash in the nuts, and finally Big Shot Rob checking Nash into the scorer’s table ala NHL style.  This is the reason why I hate the SA Spurs.  They cry about fouls and then they foul almost every time there on defense.  That and I absolutely hate Manu, he is such a pussy wanna be Karl Malone.  Well anyways the Suns pulled out the victory.  Tonight looks to be about as fun as last night so until tomorrow when I’m bored, Eloc out.

 

FF: A person uses approximately fifty-seven sheets of toilet paper each day! 

Townie Meter: 5/10  No townie sighting or townie like activity, yet.

Song of the Day: I Miss You with Me – Randy Rogers Band

Funny word of the Day: Nipply  Ex.  It’s rather nipply outside today.

Redneck word of the Day: Well, I’ll be dog.  Meaning unbelievable.

Quote of the Day: “You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.” – Dean Martin

TFOD: Falonious